Parenting a teenager is not an easy task, and co-parenting a teenager is often even more challenging than parenting solo or parenting alongside a child’s other parent. Unlike most younger children, teens are striving for independence, developing their own opinions, and juggling school, extracurricular activities and social lives. They may also be more skilled at – consciously or subconsciously – playing one co-parent against the other in an effort to get what they want or need.
Thankfully, regardless of what your family’s unique circumstances may be, if you co-parent your teen with your ex, there are some tried and true strategies that you can employ to more successfully approach your situation. While each of these tips is far easier “said than done,” being thoughtful about implementing them in ways that work for your family can be helpful.
Prioritize communication
To the extent that this is possible, engaging in open and consistent communication with your co-parent is important. For starters, teens are often busy, and last-minute changes to their schedules are common. Both parents should be appropriately flexible and willing to adjust plans as needed.
Equally important is communication with your teen. Let them know that their voice matters when it comes to their schedule and parenting time. While major decisions should still be made by the parents, giving a teens some input can help them feel respected and minimize the risk of potential conflicts.
Balance consistency with independence
Teenagers thrive on consistency, but they also need room to grow. Parents should (ideally) strive to have similar household rules regarding curfews, screen time, school responsibilities and discipline. Consistency can minimize confusion and prevent teens from feeling like they need to play one parent against the other.
At the same time, teens are learning to make decisions for themselves. Allowing them some control over their time—such as choosing which parent to stay with on certain nights or how they want to spend holidays—can help build trust and cooperation.
Keep conflict contained
Conflict between parents can be particularly stressful for teenagers, who may already be dealing with emotional ups and downs. Avoid arguing in front of your teen, and never put them in the middle of disputes. Even subtle negative comments about their other parent can create feelings of guilt or pressure. If disagreements arise, handle them privately through direct communication, mediation or legal channels if necessary.
Successfully co-parenting a teen requires flexibility, patience and mutual respect. While it is not always possible for co-parents to embrace these goals together, doing so is a worthy effort.
