Shared custody is relatively common when parents end their relationship with each other. Divorce and breakups involving unmarried parents typically require difficult discussions between the adults about custody matters. Unless there are issues related to abuse, medical challenges, addiction or incarceration, both parents likely have a right to shared parenting time and parental authority.
Sometimes, relationships end while children are still very young or even before their birth. In such scenarios, parents may assume that shared custody isn’t possible because their children are so young. However, parents can usually find ways to divide time with their children at any age.
There are simply special considerations that come into play when children are not yet old enough to attend school. Shared custody of an infant often looks significantly different than shared custody of older children.
Young children do not yet understand object permanence
The most important factor in any custody decision is what is best for the children involved. For infants, sharing a healthy bond with the parents is important, especially the parent who has served as the primary caregiver.
Given the inability of an infant to understand object permanence, their primary caregiver may have a majority of parenting time initially. The other parent might have visitation every few days, possibly at the home of the primary caregiver. The goal is to minimize the separation of the newborn from their primary caregiver, which can disrupt their bonding and development.
Overnight visits are often possible beginning in the toddler years without causing any developmental challenges. As a young child grows and matures, they can spend more time separated from either parent. By the time children are in grade school, multiple overnights are possible. Children in middle school and beyond can even alternate weeks between parental households.
Nutritional choices can also factor into custody matters in the early years, as pumping to maintain breast milk supply or provide food isn’t always as effective as traditional nursing. Parents navigating custody matters while a child is an infant may need to be flexible with their initial plans and focus on regular visits rather than lengthy ones.
Creating shared custody arrangements that prioritize a child’s developmental needs requires a calm and focused approach to the matter. Those preparing for divorce or separation with a young child may need help evaluating their options for shared custody arrangements, and that’s okay.
